From last night...

I was supposed to post this last night, but I got sleepy and neglected to do so.

Well howdy, y'all. How's everything going for you this evening? Let's have a bit of a wager, shall we? I want to bet the house that you are having a much more fulfilling night. Deal? Alright then, pony up.

At least I only have a limited list of things to whine about. This list would include: boredom. Yes, and besides being lonely as fuck, that's really all that I have to be complaining about. Unless I actually think about it... I'm sure I could list a few more things... Oh shit, yes I can. I better just move on before this becomes a pity party.

So, a lot and nothing have been going on simultaneously. I'm still up in the Empire State, so not much new on that front. I'm slowly getting the hang of my job up here, though I'm not even close to considering myself "comfortable" there. I'm just a bit ignorant when it comes to car parts. I've never really dealt with them up until now, so I suppose it is understandable. The terrible thing about being up here isn't so much just being here, it's having absolutely nothing to do, nobody to hang out with, nobody to cuddle with, no way to even really get out of the house after I'm done work. I don't think there's ever been a point in my life where I had to figure out how to occupy myself for such long periods of time. I have a few movies I can watch, but I'm way too bored for that. I need some sort of social interaction, it's what fuels me. I'm not a loner, and when I'm forced to be one, that's usually when shit starts to fall apart, and we certainly don't want that happening. Good news is that I will either be "allowed" to come home for the weekend, or if that doesn't work out, I'll just hang out for the weekend with my friend. So either way, as long as I can make it to Friday afternoon without laying out on the train tracks down the street, we'll be all good.

The worst part of being up here is not being able to see or touch the one person that means the world to me. When I'm not with her, time just drags on, it is quite a miserable feeling. But then, when I'm with her, there aren't enough hours in the day. It's amazing how somebody can literally recreate my world, my perception of everything, just by being near me. Hopefully through all this, I will become a better person, get shit going right again, and make her all mine. That's my biggest motivation, right there.

I had a wonderful thought of what I could write about for the past few days. However, with the clocks going back and everything, I've found myself a bit lost. When 5:30 comes around, I feel like I should be sleeping. Now, I don't usually take a nap or fall asleep, but it makes me feel so lazy, which in turn makes me all the more anxious, because I want to do something so bad, but I have zero interest in anything. I think that's the biggest problem for me this time around. I was doing alright up until Sunday, I really was. I wasn't freaking out, I wasn't pacing around, and now I can't seem to find anything that holds my interest for more than a few moments. This scatterbrain of mine is really taking its toll on my sanity. I would try meditation or something, but I don't have the patience for it. I feel like that is something you should do because you want to, not because there's absolutely nothing else to fucking do.

Now I'm too antsy to write anymore, great. Good night!